


the Lost Porter

by MercyA



Series: Death Crossing [2]
Category: Death Stranding (Video Games)
Genre: Bridge Babies (Death Stranding), DOOMS (Death Stranding), Death Stranding Spoilers, Different perspectives, Epistolary, Gen, Homo Demens (Death Stranding), Minor Original Character(s), Original Character Death(s), Short Story, fall from grace, kind of, non beta read we die like repatriates, pre-death stranding story, tie-in to a larger work, world building
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25682092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MercyA/pseuds/MercyA
Summary: the fall from grace of a trash white boy
Relationships: Fragile & Higgs Monaghan, Higgs Monaghan & Others, Higgs Monaghan/Original Character(s)
Series: Death Crossing [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862293
Kudos: 11





	1. 5 Reasons I’ll Follow Higgs Monaghan To Hell and Back

**Author's Note:**

> a short set of emails, confessions, and transcripts detailing how Higgs Monaghan went from a Porter to a Homo Demen, from the perspectives of those who knew him.
> 
> Interspersed chapters released between fortnightly updates of Death Crossing.

_Inbox_

_Email receive_ _d._

_Date: 5/8/?_

_To:_ Freelancer_ID_37529 “Drifter”

_From:_ “Veteran”

_Subject:_

**5 Reasons I’ll Follow** **Higgs** **Monaghan To Hell and Back**

Hey there, new guy. I’m the fellow you met at the waystation, brought you up to meet Monaghan after he reached out to you. They call me Vet, or Veteran – mostly because I’m the longest standing member of this little team.

I know you’re a bit apprehensive about joining us, but I felt like it might help if I lay a few things out for you, clear up any doubts you might have. Higgs' made you this offer because he believes in you and your skills. It’s a shame to have to admit how many of us are losing ourselves to the dependency syndrome, meaning there’s only very few of us left with enough brain cells still intact to make it from one delivery to the next.

But our leader Monaghan, he’s a man you can trust. If you were to join our freelance delivery outfit, you can be sure that you’ll have the full support of every other Porter he has working under his guidance. You might be wondering just how I can have so much faith in him, huh? A young upstart like Monaghan just wrangling together a team of already seasoned Porters, it sounds a bit odd when you put it like that. Truth is, we’re all just odds and ends he’s found and stitched back together. And he’s never given us any reason to doubt him, not so far.

Personally? Monaghan’s done more for me than many other people. Here’s some of my own, personal reasons why I guarantee you your offered place here with us is worthwhile, and why he’s the kind of guy you can believe has your back.

  1. No bullshit. What you see is what you get, with Higgs Monaghan. He’s as fucked up as the rest of us are, but he’s as honest as they come. He’s got no bones about letting you know if you’re overstepping a line and why. I can’t say I’ve ever seen him act underhanded about a business transaction, either.

  2. He gives far more than he takes. When ration packs are having to be spread thin on the month-long delivery routes, or when we come across the satellite cities with little to barter for, he’s the first to give what’s his to others. Doesn’t bat an eyelid when someone comes up short – suddenly, they’ve got rations in their packs again when they thought they had none, and he’s out hunting around for cryptobiotes.

  3. He’s got a nose for BT’s. He might not have the DOOMS condition, but he can sniff out a BT before it can even notice us. This uncanny ability of his has saved our skins more times than I have fingers to count on. Ever just wanted to make a delivery without having to watch your back for those tendrils of shadow reaching into the sky? Stick with us, I haven’t seen one of those horrors for a good year and a half since I joined up.

  4. Thinking of DOOMS, we do have a low-leveller in our troupe already. Don’t let this put you off, though; she gets the nightmares and the chiral allergy, but Monaghan makes sure she’s always looked after, to the point where it’s sometimes hard to tell if she’s actually afflicted by it. I think the worst she really suffers from is pretty bad panic attacks, but he’s never far away, always there to bring her down and keep her calm. The amount of empathy he has for her condition is insane, his patience absolutely limitless.

  5. I don’t know his full backstory or how he came to garner such great leadership skills, but skills he most certainly has. Completely unfazed by the prospect of MULES or any separatist assholes roaming around, he’s thorough and committed to his work and his people. I’d be tempted to entertain the thought that he’d had some kind of military training, but he claims he was a born and bred Prepper before turning to the Porter life. There’s no tight spot he hasn’t been able to get us all out of, says it’s something to do with having lost a fellow Porter a few years back, before he brought our little troupe together.




I know it’s not the most convincing list, but I wanted you to know there’s grounds to my dedication to Monaghan. He’s done right by me since we met, and if you decide to give our team a go, you can be sure that you’ll be looked after. Personally I reckon it’s a lot better than toughing it out there alone. Give it some thought, that’s all I ask.

Regards and well-wishes for the bright future ahead of us no matter what, 

Vet.


	2. Interview with a MULE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> someone less than expected vouches for Higgs'.

_Log_Report_0.852_

_Notes:_

\- Detainee not considered hostile

\- Delivery Dependency Syndrome detected

\- Some superficial injuries, treated for concussion and dislocated shoulder, possible pneumonia symptoms associated with excessive water inhalation

Status: Conscious.

  
  


Recording start: 2:46PM

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** I need you to tell me your name.

 **Detainee:** No name. No name.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Well I need something to call you. It’s not the most humane thing to keep referring to you by your collective, is it?

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Bet you’ve got a kicker of a headache, son.

 **Detainee:** Mm.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** It’s important that you know you’re not a prisoner here. You’re simply being detained so we can treat your injuries. You’ll be released once your symptoms have subsided and the worst of your injuries are healed. All we want in return is that you talk to us.

 **Detainee:** Not important. Packages are important.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:**...I know. I know that the delivery is what’s important to you. You can get back to...to that...soon, I promise. I heard from the guy who brought you in that you were uh, in the middle of...securing a package...when you had your incident.

 **Detainee:** Porter hit me. Just wanted to delivery the package. His fault.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** You realise that you were attempting to _steal_ his cargo, right?

 **Detainee:** …

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** I know you don’t see it that way. This is hard, right? I bet you haven’t been inside any kind of proper facility in a long time.

 **Detainee:** Never

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** And that’s okay. You’re here to be looked after. Anyone ever look after you out there?

 **Detainee:** Others do. We get along. That Porter.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Yes, the Porter. Despite the fact that you tried to rob him and his company in their travels, he still helped you. You do know that, don’t you?

 **Detainee:** Yeah

Recording Time: 3:00PM

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Can you tell me what happened?

 **Detainee:** Get him, ask him. Not me.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** We would, trust us, but he’s currently unconscious. And it’s not easy to talk to a person when they’re out cold. He lost a lot of blood after one of your own...your own companions struck him with a lance.

 **Detainee:** He’ll die?

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** No, he’ll be fine. Remember how you got here? He brought you here, even though he was badly injured. But he’s receiving medical treatment at the moment, and soon he’ll be back on his feet.

 **Detainee:** Good. Good. Okay. He saved me.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** It’d definitely be a shame if he died saving your life, yes. But what I need is to know how. It’s all just for the official reports; I can’t have a Porter drag a MULE in here and not have as much of the story as possible.

 **Detainee:** Mule?

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** One of the kinder names given to people in your situation. I’m not the biggest fan of it myself. But it’s better than some of the things the people in the cities call you guys.

 **Detainee:** Mule.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Yeah. So can you tell me, just how did a MULE get rescued by a Porter? Usually it goes the complete opposite – MULE’s attack Porters and steal their cargo.

 **Detainee:** Cargo?

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Stay focused, kid. I know you can do it. Tell me what happened.

 **Detainee:** Scanner went ping, down at the river, where it goes to the waterfall. Don’t know how it went wrong.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** It’s all right, take your time. Your...scanners caught the ID’s of the Porter, right? And you went after him.

 **Detainee:** No, not him. Someone else. Different Porter.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** There was another porter?

 **Detainee:** Group of them. We went, took the truck. Gottem by the banks. Big bang, this lady shows up, with him.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** He and a woman? Appeared out of thin air?

 **Detainee:** Yeah. Yeah. We fought, I’m a good fighter. But he hit me. I fell.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** You fell – oh. You fell into the river, didn’t you?

 **Detainee:** Yeah. Floaties busted.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Yes, that makes sense. The initial report came through stating the flotation device on your jumpsuit was faulty. So your floaty didn’t deploy – and you got swept away, right?

 **Detainee:** Yeah. My head...hit a rock.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Don’t – no, kid, try not to touch it. You’ve got a great big welt up there, it’s gonna hurt if you touch it.

 **Detainee:** I sunk, can’t swim.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** It’s definitely a hazard these days. Did you get taken far?

 **Detainee:** To the waterfall. Snagged on a rock. He came after me. Used a rope, yelling at his lady friend. To get the rope.

Recording Time: 3:08PM

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** He threw you a rope to pull you out?

 **Detainee:** No...no he jumped in. Waded out, boots all spiked. Got to me, got the rope ‘round me. But I let go.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Of him?

 **Detainee:** The rock. Over the edge, I think. Head’s fuzzy, just see water, everywhere. C-couldn’t breathe.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Easy, you’re all right. You’re not there anymore. You aren’t drowning, you were saved, and now you’re safe.

 **Detainee:** Don’t remember more.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** That’s all right, it might come back to you. Give yourself time. The important thing is that you’re safe now.

 **Detainee:** Head hurts. Stomach...stomach hurts too.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Five more minutes, then I’ll go get you something for the pain. After that I’ll leave you alone, I promise.

 **Detainee:** Alone...long time?

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** No, you won’t be alone for very long. Whilst you’re here in the med bay recovering you’ll have the medical staff nearby at all times, and there’s a security guard by the entrance. He’s a pretty cool guy, he’ll be the one seeing you off when you’re ready to leave.

 **Detainee:** This..this is BRIDGES?

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** This is a waystation facility.

 **Detainee:** Not in a city?

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** No, we’re not within city limits.

 **Detainee:** Never been in a city.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Never – wait, you weren’t with BRIDGES before you went MULE?

 **Detainee:** Never with BRIDGES.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** I – oh, oh I see. Are your parents still alive?

 **Detainee:** Father. No more mother. Crew is enough.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Your group of fellow MULES look after you – you all look after each other, don’t you?

 **Detainee:** Father says fuck BRIDGES.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Yeah...yeah sadly that’s the way a lot of people out here feel.

 **Detainee:** Why help me? Fuck BRIDGES.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** This might surprise you, but BRIDGES isn’t bad...we’re not some monster corporation.

 **Detainee:** BRIDGES hurt Father, pushed him out. We left. Father kept delivering.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Your father...he was a Porter with BRIDGES? And then...then he went MULE...

 **Detainee:** I was a kid.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Forgive the crass observation son but you’re _still_ a kid. You can’t be more than what, sixteen?

 **Detainee:** Sixteen parcels for the parcel box. Only packages matter. Deliveries important.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** I – okay. Yeah. Look, I’m going to go get you some pain killers. Your head must be hurting. Just sit tight for a second.

 **Detainee:** The Porter...His name?

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** His ID tagged him as Higgs Monaghan, currently associated with Fragile Express. Why?

 **Detainee:** When...when he’s up. Say thanks?

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Yeah, of course. I’ll pass on your thanks when he comes round. I’ll be right back, okay? Just stay put.

Recording Time: 3:18PM

Recording Time: 3:30PM

**BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Oh for fucks sake. Hey, Benson? Yeah, you didn’t happen to see anyone just stroll on out of here did you? … What the – _no_ , you idiot, that was the MULE that that Porter brought in. _He’s_ not a Porter...I don’t care what colour his jumpsuit was!Shit...no, let him go...there’s nothing much more we could’ve done for the kid anyhow. Maybe we’ll get the rest of the story when the Porter wakes up.

 **BRIDGES Staffer Medic Garrett:** Okay...end audio recording. Goddammit.

Recording End: 3:31PM

  
  


_Footnotes:_

\- Detainee took off before treatment completed. No incidents otherwise reported, Detainee did not harm any staff on location in his escape.

\- Delivery Dependency Syndrome exacerbated by stress.

\- Showed signs of confusion and disorientation. Exhibited distrust during interview but gratitude towards the Porter that rescued him.

Status: Unknown

  
  



	3. Fragile Express Report Logs on the Cap River Knot Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> through the eyes of Fragile herself, a mission that is much a failure as it is success.

**Fragile Express Report Logs on the Cap River Knot Mission**

**Report #1**

**Author:** Fragile

Father passed away in the early hours yesterday morning. His life alert monitor woke me up, and I was able to be there before he passed. Of course this week of all damn weeks is the time we have no scheduled Porters doing runs for us, so there’s been no one available on call to take his body up to the Incinerator. But a small freelance outfit came through in the afternoon by chance, their boss said he’d complete the run.

I feel like I’ve got nothing prepared...no idea of what I’m doing or how I’m meant to run this company without my father. It doesn’t matter that he’s spent the last few years training me for this, I doubt I’ll ever feel that I’m ready to do this on my own.

The new crew arrived back in late last night – they had one truck between them, so we supplied them with some extra battery packs to get them there and back again. Put them up for the night, their boss man said they’d be leaving in the morning. But...they’re still here.

He’s such a prick. A couple of other freelancers passed through, and his crew arrived back as I was sending the others out. Took my anger out on them, said some things I shouldn’t; as I’m bitching that the overall comprehension among Porters around here is piss poor, he came flouncing down the ramp, his buddies in tow. “How dare you say we piss on the poor,” he grinned. God I want to rearrange his teeth, the smartass. Calls himself Higgs Monaghan.

I didn’t tell him it was my father I had him take up to the Incinerator. Don’t need that kind of sympathy.

It’s not really like I can just...kick them out. They did us a solid, showing up when they did, so I feel like I owe them one more night of rest. I’ll just keep busy, not like there isn’t plenty to get done.

  
  


**Fragile Express Report Logs on the Cap River Knot Mission**

**Report #2**

**Author:** Fragile

A Porter from BRIDGES came into Port Knot today, bearing a message for the CEO of Fragile Express – my eyes only. I guess it truly is all down to me, now my father is gone. Sitting alone with that chiralgram, listening to the words had me really feeling their weight without my father to bear it with me. They were in need of a fore-runner crew, heading to somewhere at the far northern point of the continent beyond the mountains to reach a small outpost settlement city. Something about an expedition west to re-establish the United States, planned for nearly six months in the future.

But they needed Porters and a liaison under contract to go ahead, attempt to set up some way-point for connection when the expedition itself comes through.

I guess that liaison would be me. I suppose even if Father was still here, I’d still be the one to go. Sadly it’s no easy feat of simply jumping there and back – having never been that far north, there’s no telling what the chiral density is like. So now I’ve got the job of rounding up a Porter crew to escort me and carrying the shipment of way-point construction materials. Thank God I know I can trust Manus to run the company until I get back.

“Good thing we’re still in the neighbourhood,” the smug bastard crooned at me. I’d had to tell him – had to put the call out and of course, his little outfit is still lounging around the temp living quarters. “Why don’t you just sign us up?” “Going north sounds like fun”. “My crew can handle that.”

He’s just so damn cocky, it makes me want to punch him in the face. But he and his troupe are also the only ones I really have on hand…

...So I guess we’re going north together, to a place BRIDGES call ‘Cap River Knot’. We leave in the morning.

  
  


**Fragile Express Report Logs on the Cap River Knot Mission**

**Report #** **5**

 **Author:** Fragile

It’s been two weeks of constant travel now since we crossed the lake to Lake Knot, and the truck has only just well and truly died. Monaghans’ crew did a good job of keeping the damn thing going, but now they’re carrying the materials themselves. They don’t complain, not a peep.

He insists I only carry my own pack and the more delicate piece of equipment – the activation key for the way-point terminal to finalise the set up at our destination. We passed through Middle Knot late last week – it was truly unlike anything I’ve ever seen. Father refused to allow me to grow up within a city, insisted I have the experience of the outside world so I would know its dangers and beauty. Within Middle Knot, the streets were alive with people – so many people, more than I’ve ever seen, and so few of them had any idea of what the world beyond Middle Knot’s gates were like. It felt like I was speaking completely different language.

Higgs said to pay them no mind when they stared, but I could always feel their eyes ogling us. Porters and outsiders are a foreign concept to those that live cushy lives. It’s as if no one’s ever seen a cryptobiote before. Had to stomp on someones instep to set them straight when a brush past turned into copping a feel – I’ve never felt so disgusted in my own skin before.

I shouldn’t have mentioned it to the crew – Higgs disappeared later in the evening when we were put up in a hostel, and returned with a split lip. Cheerfully remarked that we should’ve seen the other guy.

I’m keeping my problems to myself from now on. Last thing I need is a man trying to solve them all for me. The sooner we get to Cap River Knot and then back again, the better. In fact, I think I might just jump straight home and leave him and his crew to it up there. Let them play the tourist if they want to. I’m already regretting not assigning Manus to do this in my place, but it would’ve been an unwise move from a social standpoint. I’m the CEO of Fragile Express, it’s expected of me to handle these sorts of contracts personally.

Dammit.

  
  


**Fragile Express Report Logs on the Cap River Knot Mission**

**Report #** **8**

 **Author:** Fragile

I feel so out of place among these seasoned Porters, all knowing their place in their team. I’m a real outsider here, and I feel bad I hardly know their names. They all call me “Miss” Fragile...it’s a strangely endearing thing.

Veteran, or Vet, is Higgs’ right hand man. The longest standing member of Higgs’ team. Like Higgs, he’s got that old timey-drawl to his voice that reminds me of the pre-Stranding era cowboy movies my father used to show me.

Taryn is a DOOMS sufferer, like me, but she’s barely a level one. Her DOOMS comes in strange forms, more like panic attacks and constant anxiety than anything truly useful. All I know is that her nightmares are easily twice as bad as mine are – I often wake up hearing her cry out in her sleep.

Drifter has been one of the newer additions to Higgs’ team, an interesting man with a bit of a nervous complex around others. Perhaps he would have been better off out on his own, but at least he’s dedicated to getting the work done.

Mark and Silas make up the last two of the crew; fraternal twins who hail from South Knot’s western city side. It’s a bit unusual to see city boys out here doing Porter work, but the two of them seem to get along just fine – no complaints or gripes, and they’re pretty good at keeping Taryn calm.

Such an oddball crew, headed by such an oddball man. Higgs’ won’t say much about his own past, but maybe that’s for the best. There’s a sort of pain behind his eyes that makes me uneasy.

  
  


**Fragile Express Report Logs on the Cap River Knot Mission**

**Report #10**

**Author:** Fragile

Passing through Incinerator territory is a strange feeling, one I don’t think I’ve ever felt before. I was suddenly reminded of my father, and although I was able to hold myself together as we travelled through the Timefall-barren terrain on Monaghan’s insistence, I just felt like crying the whole way.

When we set up camp for the night, he showed me why. Took me to the edge of a cliff face, pointed down into the trees where a handful of scanner poles ran in a line through the middle of the woods.

Separatists. Of course. Had we tried to cut through, there’s a high probability of being either pinged or spotted by a patrolling, gun-toting idiot. Incinerator country is a far less dangerous road to travel when you toss up walking through Timefall and potential BT’s against running into a pack of assholes like the separatists.

A few days ago, we ran into trouble with MULEs’, instead. They seem to grow more and more everyday. I’d made a point of setting out earlier than the others, wanting to be clear of the dead earth and back into the grassier hillsides, but he insisted on accompanying me. “Can’t have the CEO of Fragile Express getting into trouble” he said. But it wasn’t us that got pinged by the MULEs – one of his crew must have passed through a scanner zone as they’d been following our trail. We’d gone running back, only to see the MULE’s heading them off towards the river. Too far to do anything, I’d grabbed him by the arm and we’d jumped as close to them as I could get us. The first thing Monaghan did was puke on the closest MULE – I guess that’s one way to intimidate your enemy.

I’ve never used cargo as a weapon before, but it sure makes for a handy makeshift bat to take down a MULE – we would’ve had been able to ward them all away, but one of them struck Monaghan with an electrified lance, and he collided with another,knocking them into the river.

God, he’s such a stupid idiot. Of _course_ he ran down the banks after them as they got washed downstream. They snagged on a rock by the waterfall, and I went after him, got him a rope so he could do the whole hero thing and dive in to save them.

The rope broke, and they went over the waterfall. I told the crew to gather the construction materials and get out of the MULE territory before anyone else showed him, and I made the jump across my Beach to get down to the base of the waterfall. Dragged his coughing and spluttering idiot ass out of the shallows – the MULE was much more worse for wear then he was, thankfully. But he still insisted, even though he was coughing up blood, that he had to get the boy help. I never realized MULEs could be suffering from Delivery Dependency at such a young age, I’ve never seen one so young.

He told me to go back to the others, get them out of MULE range and keep everyone together, that he’d catch up with us at the Distribution Centre north of Mountain Knot.

That was five days ago. He’s still not back. I didn’t think I’d be so worried about him. The rest of his crew are growing restless. I keep finding myself hoping that he’ll just come swaggering into the Distribution Centre, cocky and over confident as always.

_UPDATED LOG:_

Higgs finally arrived in tonight. I haven’t seen a crew of Porters so damn excited since the last time we got in a fresh medical shipment bound for South Knot from Central Knot. Some of them were positively bouncing they were so happy.

...Yes. I was happy to see him too. Relieved. Glad. I don’t know. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t mind joining in on all the hugging going on. He thanked me for looking after his crew, for keeping them all together and safe whilst he was away. I didn’t do much...not really. But it’s good to have him back.

  
  


**Fragile Express Report Logs on the Cap River Knot Mission**

**Report #13**

**Author:** Fragile

We made it to Cap River Knot yesterday, after almost five weeks of travelling. And, thankfully, all the cargo arrived almost entirely undamaged. The only problem now is that the Council within Cap River Knot won’t let us in.

Apparently they want no part in the UCA’s dreams of reconnecting society.

Having been denied entry, Higgs’ decided that we’d just...set up camp right there at the entrance to the city. When we were approached by the security teams, and told that we couldn’t, he made a real thing about pointing out that we weren’t within city limits, therefore were well within our right to be there. Clearly not his first rodeo.

We’ve been waiting instruction over the wire from the BRIDGES Director, but apparently he’s been caught up in meetings with the President all day, so we’ve been more or less sitting on our hands. One or two of the other Porters seem to be on edge; Drifter is fidgety as hell and can’t sit still. Lucky for us Vet is here, he’s been the one to able to keep Drifter occupied whilst Higgs is out arguing with the Cap River security team.

I think I’ve changed my mind about Higgs, just a little bit. He’s got a lot of grace and respect for a man so weathered by the world. There’s a softness in his smile when he speaks to his team, gives them words of encouragement saying that there will be good to come of this – there has to be. That we didn’t come all this way for nothing. We’ve navigated Timefall storms and by-passed the worst of the BT areas without much difficulty, and only run into a few hiccups along the way. He’s lead his crew with pride and confidence...even when the way ahead has been unsure.

Maybe I did misjudge him.

Hopefully word from BRIDGES comes soon...I’m missing home. It pisses me off that he can tell.

  
  


**Fragile Express Report Logs on the Cap River Knot Mission**

**Report #14**

**Author:** Fragile

Drifter committed suicide today. Whilst waiting on word from the BRIDGES Director for the last two days, Drifter has been...acting a little different. Apparently he’s the most recent addition to Higgs’ team. We found him standing on the top of the Distribution Centres roof – how the hell he got up there is anyone’s guess.

The others were saying I had to go up there – just jump up there and grab him, don’t let him fall – but Higgs shut them all up with one look. Told us all to go back to our camp, but I couldn’t bring myself to go, so I sat just on the other side of the Distribution Centre, out of sight. Higgs sat up there on the concrete, craning his neck up to talk to his fellow Porter. I could hear bits of the conversation, mostly the poor man crying and begging Higgs to get out of his way, let him go. That something was different, something was changing.

I was wrong about Higgs. All that cockiness and attitude disappeared. He stayed out there, kept the guy talking for as long as it took to calm him down. Finally, he called out to me, I guess he knew at least one of us would have stayed close by, just in case. I jumped us both up to meet Drifter, to bring him down when he was ready.

The head of the Distribution Centre took him down to the infirmary to check him over, make sure he wasn’t going to hurt himself again.

Higgs filled in the rest of the crew, told them that we all had to be strong and look after Drifter when he came back to us. But three hours later, we get a medic from the Distribution Centre rushing out to us – Drifter has OD’d, they said. He’s dead.

He’s dead.

They say he got his hands on opioids used for pain management, and the toxicity of the amount he took practically destroyed his hearts functions. He was dead in minutes.

They were kind enough to offer a vehicle for corpse disposal, and directions to the closest Incinerator beyond the west-most mountain range. A four hour round trip, they told us.

Higgs made the trip alone.

It was dark by the time he returned, the other members of his crew had all withdrawn away into their own little corners of our campsite. I couldn’t sleep, despite how I tried. When he got back, he came to me and I didn’t hesitate when he asked me to hold him, just for a moment. We stayed like that for hours, until his tears stopped falling on my shoulder, until his anxious grip on my jacket relaxed. I can imagine the pain he’s going through – I finally told him about my father passing. I didn’t tell him that he’d been the one to take Father’s body up for incineration, but I think he was able to guess.

I stayed like that for most of the night, holding Higgs, until he finally fell asleep and I was able to settle him onto my own bunk. Even in his sleep, his expression was sad. I wonder how many bodies of how many others he’s known that he’s had to dispose of. I’m going to try and sleep now, too. In the morning, I’m going to make it a personal point to contact the BRIDGES Director myself, demand instruction – these Porters can’t stay like this for much longer.

Grieving was not in this contract.

  
  


**Fragile Express Report Logs on the Cap River Knot Mission**

**Report #15**

**Author:** Fragile

Finally, finally, we’re heading home. The Director of BRIDGES was able to sweet talk the Cap River Knot council into a BRIDGES contract without necessity of commitment to join the UCA, and we were able to set up the way-point terminal and finally bid farewell to the place.

One less than when we’d began...all the crew that’s left are as eager to get away from here as I am. Higgs seems to have gathered himself back together; well enough, anyway. We haven’t spoken about how he broke down on my bunk that night, and no one wants to talk about Drifter. Maybe they’ve seen Porters take their own lives in similar ways before, maybe they’ve lost fellow Porters to the Delivery Dependency in ways we saw the MULES act on our journey north.

I can imagine Higgs is keen to be through with this job; the sooner he can waft on out of Port Knot with a job well-done pat on the back the better. But if anything I think this has made me more determined to work harder as the head of Fragile Express. I have the power now to do more for my Porters and my people, to keep them healthy in mind, body and spirit.

If I can help them before they end up like Drifter…

I’m eager to get home, not just for this journey to be over, but because I want to work out what I can implement for my workers as soon as I can to make sure work conditions are better than how BRIDGES treats their Porters – no matter if they’re freelancers or direct employees. I’ve got to make sure I do this right.

**Fragile Express Report Logs on the Cap River Knot Mission**

**Report #19**

**Author:** Fragile

Apparently my eagerness to return to Port Knot was ill-received by Higgs. We argued this morning, barely two weeks out from making it home, and things went south. He waved me off, snapping I should just ‘jump off then’ if making it back was so damn important to me. I know he meant for me to simply jump via my Beach, but the way he said it, suddenly I had Drifters face in my mind again, saw him standing on the top of the Distribution Centre.

It hurt more than I care to admit.

I did jump, but I didn’t go far. I guess I was too upset to really think straight and I only got a few miles ahead of our crew anyhow. I don’t know if Higgs was irritated or surprised to see me when they caught up a few hours later.

Now I’m eager to get home to avoid more confrontation. _As well_.

**Fragile Express Report Logs on the Cap River Knot Mission**

**Report #20**

**Author:** Fragile

Home has never felt better. We arrived back in Port Knot late yesterday afternoon, and I was able to make an awkward farewell to Higgs’ and his team. Felt a bit shit, so I offered to put them up for the night, figuring they’d be gone by morning.

Not exactly.

I got down to the cafeteria this morning to be greeted by Vet, who handed me two cups of coffee and pointed me in the direction of the docks. Out there I found Higgs, sitting on the pier looking for all the world like a scolded child.

He apologised, I apologised, and we sat and watched the sun come up over the Great Lake. I tried to explain my ideas, what I wanted to do with the company, and to my surprise he was actually supportive, and offered his services and crew as a means to set up more practical and streamlined delivery systems for supplies into the cities. He said the more we worked and the more we did, the greater chance we had of recruiting more Porters willing to put their hands up to work for us. He even said he’d take them on and handle the training, if doing it myself got a bit much.

“From coast to shining coast”, he claimed, saying that with a growing delivery outfit, we’d be able to change the world faster than BRIDGES could trek across the continent. I get that most of what he’s saying is just to puff up his own damn ego, but there’s a part of me that wonders if it’s possible.

A small prideful part of me wants to take on that little self-imposed challenge, just to see if we can do it. Maybe we’ll even poach a few of BRIDGES Porters’ as well as bringing in more freelancers. Imagine that. Fragile Express, a postal delivery system to reunite the world faster than BRIDGES.

Wouldn’t that be a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this update is about two weeks late because i'm terrible at sticking to schedules...my bad.  
> next week - Death Crossing chapter 6! keep your eyes peeled  
> x


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